So unsure of everything right now.
Recent circumstances have shown me, more than any other time in my adult life, how different everyone’s mental landscapes are. One person’s interpretation and memory of an event can be completely different from another person. Who’s to say who is “right” or who is “wrong”?
The reactions of family and friends to a situation I thought was black & white have caused me to question my own judgment and the judgment of others at the same time, leaving me with little ground to stand on.
I have a thought, it makes sense to me… and then I question it’s validity.
There are many moments of paralysis. I don’t know how to BE, right now. Who am I, outside of the reflection of myself in others’ minds?
As anyone would, I tend to reject the negative impressions I feel others may have of me, but right now I’m inclined to give their perspective more credence. Not because I dislike myself but because I’m less sure of my own perspective.
Is this the ego-work I so wanted to embark on, a year ago?
Advice from the comments section of this article makes some sense:
Take your time. Love from your heart. Be still. Observe. Listen, before you act.
Also, this perspective is interesting given the advice I received from my religious parents (“Yes, he gave you a black eye, but you really need to look at your own part in the dysfunction”):
For the record, he has agreed to separate while he works on his issues with anger and alcohol. And he has been absolutely wonderful since the incident.