Day 120

Jump, by Marcos Martinez


Been doing some reading and although I haven’t actually read a real “sobriety” book yet, I’m starting to see a theme. The willpower method of quitting only lasts so long. Willpower runs out (as we’ve all seen with dieting, exercise and other plans that last 3-6 months only to peter out pathetically).

For sobriety to stick-or anything else for that matter, one needs to unearth and deal with the issues that caused the problem to begin with.

I feel like I’ve had my fair share of pink cloud discoveries, and other bright inspiring moments in the almost 3 months of sobriety so far, but I can see how these little perks could end up not being enough. And I want to make sure this sticks. I haven’t done any true deep-dives into the Why yet.

Nothing to share on that theme tonight, just that it’s percolating along in the back of my head. Why did I drink? What was I looking to escape, erase, avoid? I can point to any one thing during different periods of my adult life, and of course my biggest “victim” card before quitting was my marriage… but I’ve been drinking heavily since I was in my 20’s. So – it’s hard to blame any of the specific situations I found myself in over the years.

In the weeks ahead, I hope to do more excavating on this topic and once my free time opens up a bit more, The Naked Mind is on the agenda.