Day 154


Resting, by Francesca Buchko



Today was relatively uneventful mentally, except for a phone call with my uncle H. My mother’s brother who lives on the other side of the US and runs a busy medical practice rarely has time for a call to family this far away, so this was special.

I found out he quit drinking last year so had reached out via text, and he surprised me with a phone call to chat about it. In the end, our experiences were similar: neither of us had bottomed out (yet), but it was negatively affecting our lives and family relationships, and we felt a loss of control that we didn’t like. He quit cold turkey, no moderation attempt, and hasn’t looked back since. For him, it was a 3-finger whiskey habit that often ended up more like a 9-finger night. I think for both of us, having hard liquor as our drink of choice accelerated the process of becoming dependent. 

I was interested to hear more about how his relationship with his wife had helped spur his desire to quit (her previous 2 marriages had ended due to alcohol issues), but we ran out of time, and I also didn’t want to pry too much.

But it’s a topic that holds a lot of interest for me. Can a spouse encourage their partner to look critically at their drinking habits, and even encourage them to quit, without damaging the relationship or driving them the opposite way? If so, how?

Then I remind myself that, really, it is impossible to make another person change their ways… and I need to focus my energy on myself.

Plenty there to work on.

Gratitude Postscript

Ending the day exhausted, but the good kind, in my muscles and in my brain. Lots of healthy activity today. I’m grateful for the time spent with my good friend S talking about deep life shit, and I’m grateful that our boys enjoy hanging out with each other as much as we do (in fact, we’re joining them for yoga tomorrow!).