Day 38

Falling Sky – Pixel-sorting experiments, Alban Guerry-Suire

Election Tuesday

Voted. Among the many other things accomplished today, I pushed those buttons and happily participated in civic duty. Outside of the normal day-to-day chaos and busy-ness though, I’ve been feeling quiet and a bit somber lately. A lot going on under the surface, but nothing has floated its way up into consciousness yet. 

Tonight, I attended my first sober meeting of a small women’s entrepreneur group I’ve been part of for the last year. I’d missed a few months and was overdue for an accountability check-in with the other ladies… but was a little nervous about the whole not-drinking thing, as it’s held at a bar with a great beer selection. I used to love perusing the draft list and trying a flight, then picking my favorite and having a full pint, all while connecting with the bar staff over the intricacies of the various choices on tap. It was a big part of my evenings out with this group. I also didn’t know exactly what I felt like sharing with these women – friends, but not close. 

It worked out well, though. I arrived late enough that my quiet order of a virgin version of one of their fancy cocktails went unnoticed, so I was able to avoid the whole “I’m not drinking” conversation. I’d planned to say I was on antibiotics, but I hate to lie so who knows what I would have blurted out. 

Fundamentally though, I’m feeling a shift in my own interaction with the world that goes beyond not drinking. Although in the past I might have felt a real social awkwardness at handling this evening and as a result drank more than was necessary and overshared, tonight I felt centered, confident and happy to keep my business to myself. It was different and not necessarily comfortable, but better than before. And no regrets on the ride home, or feeling like I was in danger of a DUI.

This quiet, seismic-shifting place that I’m in is also not comfortable, but I’m okay with it.

Tonight, this song captured the feeling better than my words. Worth skipping through the ad(s) and listening through the whole thing, imho.

Animal Collective, What would I want? Sky

Old glass is clinkin’ and a, new order’s blinkin’
And a- I should be floatin’, but I’m weighted by thinking