Y2 Day 2

you are safe with me, hülya özdemir


I’m energized by the start of Year 2 and am already making goals for myself, surprise surprise. 

If I’m completely honest, part of why I haven’t been posting a lot in here lately comes from feeling disappointed in myself. Here I am, a year into sobriety and I’ve let myself down in almost all of the areas I’d hoped to improve over that year. 

Over the last month or so, I’ve stopped exercising regularly, my morning meditations are rushed and spotty, and the pot smoking and online shopping hasn’t improved in the slightest. In my defense, August and September were filled with 60-hr work weeks, vacation, and 2 weeks of illness, but I know deep down that’s not a real excuse.

For now, at least today, I’m not going to try to improve on all of it all at once. As far as exercise and meditation go, I’ll take it as it comes and do my best. Regarding the replacement addictions though, I think I’m ready to tackle those head-on.

I posted about it in a private sobriety group today and got a number of great responses. My favorite was this one:

You need to get to the root cause of the feelings that lead to a craving. for example, I get a craving for (insert alcohol netflix chocolate facebook scrolling etc) when I am actually feeling alone, I know that it goes way back. Before I had an addiction as such. I was adopted, and had difficulty feeling connected with others, and didn’t feel I belonged. If I am struggling with everyday stuff now, I can feel alone, and this triggers feelings that lead to an urge to drink etc. You can do this self discovery in therapy or you can journal freestyle such as I feel xxx because, and this makes me feel…. and this is valid / not valid because… that kind of stuff. I go for therapy myself as it worked for me.

She outlines a clear path and provides a very relatable personal example.

I’m not thrilled with my (very young, sweet, childless) therapist, who is the exact opposite of my previous one (older than I, cut-through-the-BS, say it like it is, gym every day kind of woman) so I’m going to start by looking for a new therapist as well as journaling here about the Why and When of these addictions.