Day 134


A rough start to the morning, kids up way too early full of piss & vinegar, but a trip into Brooklyn to visit family corrected course. Now, nana is reading bedtime stories to the boys and I’m grabbing a moment.

It’s only the second full day of this “vacation”, with the men on a ski trip, and mom & I holding down the fort… but I’m already struggling. Absolutely no fault of my mom, but looking at our lives through the lens (or perceived lens) of my mother’s eyes has me feeling insecure – a bad mom with out-of-control kids – not caring enough about the right things, caring too much about the wrong things. I find myself being extremely critical of everything, my parenting, the boys behavior, my housekeeping… and I’m probably WRONG!

Who knows what her perception is, and honestly, why should I care so much anyway. I know I’m doing a pretty good job most of the time. Why can’t I find confidence inside myself right now?

The urge to drink has been strong this afternoon. Really strong.

I don’t know how I’m going to make it through this week.

Gratitude postscript:

Grateful for time with family today – so much fun. I’m grateful for their proximity, and for the time my mom was able to spend with my in-laws, getting to know each other better.