Day 163

Build Your Own World, by Joy LaForme


I missed a couple days in there, oops! I was out of town with the twins and without C which meant very little free time. And what little there was ended up filled with family time, which took priority.

I found myself surprisingly free of alcohol-related thoughts on the trip. While the relationships in my family are close and relatively drama-free, time together always seems to spark a need for booze. And sure enough, my brother had brought a very nice bottle of whiskey for our late-night chats, forgetting that I’d quit. 

We still stayed up way too late both nights while he and his wife enjoyed it, and I enjoyed the smell without any desire to have my own. My SIL was amazed; “What willpower!” And I appreciated her comment but inside I thought, this isn’t taking much willpower at all. I know I still have my unhealthy methods of escaping (and I was definitely craving them over the weekend) but alcohol has lost it’s power, at least this weekend.

It was interesting to catch myself in the middle of these conversations thinking, “Right now, I would be stumbling a bit, forgetting the right words, losing my train of thought, or trying to interject my own story by bulldozing my way over another person, etc etc” Flashbacks of my former self. Not that I was necessarily drunk all the time, but I was not the best version of myself, for sure. And I knew it in the moment too.

This time around, these conversations were more balanced, more meaningful, more connected. I was able to filter myself, easily find the right words when needed, and listen better.

And in the end, I remember it all.

Bonus? When one of the boys woke up with a nightmare in the middle of the night I was there, without a hangover and all the angst that goes with that.

Gratitude Postscript

I’m grateful for quality time with family, watching cousins play happily together and grandparents read stories to the whole crew. I’m grateful the long drive went without a hitch, both ways. And I’m grateful to be home with C giving the boys a bath and me a break.