Another sunny afternoon to spend procrastinating away the time… I really do not want to do freelance right now after a full morning outside with the boys. All that vitamin D has me feeling snoozy, plus the aftereffects of last night.
I can’t say I noticed much except a warm glow after tasting the little white chocolate wafer, but it was harder to fall asleep. Painting is done though! And now, I’ve run through my list of chores and projects for the break and am down to my last, least-favorite two: freelance and sorting the toys/books.
So obviously, I must blog instead.
Alcohol-related thoughts? The latest thread has been my husband: how to relate to him when he drinks, how not to become preachy (“you know alcohol causes cancer, right?”), how not to become resentful when it’s hard to communicate in the evenings or things are constantly forgotten…how to let go of wanting to change his behavior – now that I know what I know.
Last night, when I came to bed, the whole room smelled like off-gassed alcohol. It wasn’t pleasant. And sleeping next to that, with his breath and sweat filling the air with that smell, well – that may have been part of why I struggled to fall asleep.
But I’m trying to get my brain out of it’s rumination grooves, so I spent time going through all the ways in which my life is beautiful right now, the things I’m so grateful for – including him and his part in my life. And it helped.
I wish I had someone in a similar situation to confide in. Reading self-help books isn’t quite the same. And my therapist (who I’m no longer seeing anyway), basically said the same thing each time “You can’t change him, and communication with someone with an alcohol addiction will always be impossible – therefore, there is no way for you to improve things, except to accept him and change yourself”. I get it. I really do. But somehow, talking with someone who’s been there or IS there right now would really help. Not to complain – but to learn from and possibly find empathetic support.
Not interested in Al-Anon right now – seems too much for our situation, plus AA feels too much like a cult to me. But something like that, or even just running into someone serendipitously would be nice.