Day 196


After yesterday’s tough meeting with the boys’ teachers, where the possibility of ADHD or other issue was discussed, C and I were left reeling. 

And I found myself struggling with a whole mix of negative emotions. Guilt, anger, frustration, confusion, anxiety, sadness. Over the course of the evening and late into the night when I couldn’t fall asleep, I flailed about inside my mind, looking for someplace to go with all of it, looking for something to blame, something to fix.

I wanting a real adult to come in and take over — trying to understand MY position on all of it was too overwhelming.

A short workout and yoga helped a bit but laying in bed, in the quiet, it all came back.

But today I am reminded of a new way of being that is slowly becoming something I practice: acceptance. Like accepting a traffic jam, or spring allergies – it’s life, it happens, it sucks… although it will pass you can’t do much about it, so you need to find a way to live through it without stressing yourself out. For me, “Accept what you cannot change” used to just be empty cliché. Now, in practice, I’m seeing it’s value.

Still sucks, but I’m going to focus on what I CAN do, and let go of the stress of the unknown and what I cannot control.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Repeat.