Day 222

Above the clouds


No big thoughts today, just an appreciation for what’s going on around me right now.

It’s 70 degrees and sunny outside.

The first thing I did this morning was reroute my usual coffee-meditation-yell at the kids to stay in bed until the clock turns green routine, by snuggling with W in his bed… one of those mommy intuition things, and I knew instantly that I’d made the right decision as he sighed deeply and snuggled into me. I’m grateful that I made that decision, always so hard for me to slow down or deviate from my plans.

I’m grateful to be working from home in my dirty sweats (having gotten a kickboxing class in this morning, no shower since because Why?), and in spite of the busy workload, feeling rather relaxed and chill – knowing it will all get done.

The gardens, grass and trees are budding out and looking especially green, while the front tulips are still putting on a killer show in their red lace.

We met with the boys PreK teachers this morning and it went well. W’s behavioral evaluation is next Tuesday and things are lining up for that too.

Somehow in the midst of today’s juggling, I fit groceries in. I’m grateful for the awesome salad I had for lunch and for the dark chocolate nut butter cup I’m about to eat.

And I’m grateful that C and I had a heart-to-heart a couple nights ago that cleared the air and opened better communication between us.

We even talked about his drinking. I saw an opening to ask, “Do you ever wonder if you might have a problem?” and his answer was, “I think about it every day.” After a lot of conversation about it, my understanding is that he is aware and not particularly happy about the situation, but not seeing his way to doing anything about it now or in the near future. And even if he were to take a month off, he says he’d always return to having a cocktail “every now and then”.

I didn’t ask him to quit and the entire conversation was very civil. We ended the evening with a warm hug.

Maybe that, more than anything, is what is buoying my mood right now – it’s like the dark cloud that was hanging over us has passed, and the blue sky that was always there is now open above us.

Hope. What a magical thing.


“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.”

― Steve Jobs