Day 234


So. Online shopping addiction. Let’s talk about it.

Honestly, I’ve been avoiding bringing this up because it’s not something I’m proud of – and it indicates that after all these months and hard work, I’m still struggling. But it hasn’t been getting better so I’m going to bring it out into the open.

I have a bit of an online shopping addiction.

And of course, all sorts of justifications to go along with it: I mainly use an online consignment store, so the prices are very low, plus I recycle my clothes back into it so I get $$ back (albeit not enough to balance what I spend). I try to limit shoe purchases to less than 6 pairs/year (and I know some of you are gasping at this right now…). I don’t spend over $200 in one shot, and I try to limit my monthly spending to a certain budget. I like to tell myself that if I were going to my favorite brick & mortar stores, I’d be spending more. But I’m not sure that’s true.

“Retail therapy” had always been a go-to for that little punch of happiness but now since quitting alcohol, I’m seeing a uptick in my purchases. Even if it’s little stuff from Amazon like books for the boys or kitchen tools that we really need, I seem to need to be constantly purchasing stuff. 

This morning, I participated in an agonizingly stressful conference call where I was put on the spot and required to commit to doing something for work that I’m not at all happy about. What did I do right after the call? Purchase a new pair of sandals.

I decided to start tracking it and cutting back. This is the first month and it is as bad as I thought.

I’m trying, and at least I’m more aware of it now. Plus, I’ve started bi-monthly sessions with a new therapist so maybe we’ll address that as well as the rest of my personal issues… but for today, I’m just sharing, in case it helps anyone out there know  – shit isn’t perfect around here.

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