Day 254


Two of the more enduring things I find myself saying lately are:

  • Enjoy the process
  • Find comfort inside

Yesterday, I spent a couple hours weeding the front and back gardens, a somewhat tedious and back-straining task. I found myself working in a frenzy, hunched over in an uncomfortable position and feeling stressed about getting it all done before the boys woke up from their naps.

Then I stopped. 

Why was I flying through this activity when there were so many reasons to slow down, be present, and actually enjoy it? So I did exactly that. I enjoyed the quiet alone time, listening to birds singing in spite of the rain. I felt the sprinkle of cool rain in the warm air, bringing the temperature to a perfect point – not too wet and not too dry, making everything in the yard a brilliant green. I enjoyed the texture and smell of the dirt in my hands, and the satisfaction of the slow but sure progress behind me.

ENJOY THE PROCESS, I reminded myself.

Don’t fly through it unconsciously or you’ll miss out on life. Life IS the process.

In a similar way, when I notice myself falling into an uncomfortable mindset or situation (usually some sort of internal stress relating to the boys or C), I remind myself that I’ve created a room full of pillows inside my mind… at least that’s how I visualize it.

And I can go there whenever I want. It’s the quiet space created through meditation. I don’t need to sit in a lotus position and chant OMMMM or close my eyes to get there either. Sometimes just reminding myself that it’s there is enough. Other times, a deep breath or two will interrupt the mental and physical auto-reaction and allow me to make a more conscious choice to react in a way that doesn’t stress me out as much.

Because I am my world. Might as well make it a good place to be!