Day 256

Francis Bacon – Portrait of George Dyer Looking Into Mirror

Pretty typical Wednesday.

Boys and I maneuvered our morning without mishap, primarily due to the fact that I was able to get coffee & meditation in.

Work was its usual ball of crazy, went late today… rushed home to three over-tired boys, relieved one to go play volleyball and tucked the other two in.

C and I exchanging maybe 5 words.

We’re not on the same page much right now, it seems. 

I find myself falling into the hopeless spiral and then catch it. No, Self, we’re just not seeing eye to eye on a couple topics, and we’re both struggling to communicate with each other right now. It’s not forever, its just right now.

I feel like I have so much I want to share with him, thoughts about our life together – our kids, plans for the future, ways we can improve things for each other. But he doesn’t see me like that. He sees a different version of me and maybe there is some truth to that version, but it’s not a positive one. I don’t feel like he really SEES ME.

Refocus. The boys need me more right now anyway.

I’m working on getting better with my interaction with them, working to really SEE them and reflect it back positively. And they reflect love like little beaming rays of sun, which fills my heart, so that can be enough.

In the end that’s all any of us want, anyway. To be seen and understood for who we really are, the good and the bad.

“The human soul doesn’t want to be advised or fixed or saved. It simply wants to be witnessed — to be seen, heard and companioned exactly as it is.” –