Day 5

The plan today is to exhaust myself. No deep philosophical thoughts, just plowing through and working my ass off. Early morning with the boys, then once they were in school – off to my first Habitat for Humanity build. Morning shift down, then on to yard work, moving piles of dirt and leaves until my arms were shaking. Now, it’s the witching hour when I normally would have rewarded myself with a cold beer or G&T. I hear my husband preparing his own downstairs, so I’m up here hiding.

I’ve noticed, even in 5 days, how much clearer my head is and how much more confident I am in conversation.

Have I really been in such a fog?

I’m meeting my boys’ eyes more. Maybe I was before but not really connecting? Or maybe I was ashamed at the end of the day, because of my drinking – knowing that it wasn’t the best example, and also knowing that I was intentionally trying to get a buzz on – even though they were still awake and wanting my full attention. 

On into the chaos of witching hour and bedtime routines… then yoga.

Late PM update:

Went to my first yoga class at the new gym, and this was the instructor’s intro to the class:

[paraphrased] “Tonight is a full moon, so we are going to work on balance.”

She then read this aloud, as we all lay on our mats with eyes closed:

“The coming of the new moon is a time for new beginnings and new ways of looking at things. As the poet Rumi so elegantly put it: ‘Escape from the black cloud that surrounds you. Then you will see your own light as radiant as the full moon.’ So rise up and find your true inner strength. Claim your feminine power in the light of the full moon. Allow yourself to forgive and heal, and finally, to move forward.”

I had to quickly wipe away tears as the class began. The fog is clearing.