Yesterday was the viewing and wake, today, the memorial. So many people affected, so much sadness and grief spilling over at every turn.
When we came home last night, I was wrung out. C and I had some good conversation, then I smoked and went out to the garage for therapeutic work on the puppet theatre project while listening to my comfort music, piano nocturnes.
When we dragged ourselves to bed, together (which never happens), I couldn’t find it in me to post.
But I did stay sober yesterday. I had a virgin Bloody at the bar, and then enjoyed their sushi (!) and apps with water, which honestly was not a problem at all.
Found myself connecting with friends in a deeper way than I had in the past. And reflecting on it, I’m almost certain that if this had happened a year ago, I would have spent more time concerned about how I was coming across to others than I did actually concerned ABOUT the others. But not now.
Being in the moment, feeling the pain, seeing it on others faces and reciprocating in empathy, sharing mutual memories and shock that this could happen. All of that was more deeply possible than before.
For that, I’m grateful.