My head is so congested, I can’t even fit thoughts in there right now. Somehow I powered through a busy work day, and thanks to C’s support, got the kids in bed and am now headed straight there myself.
As I made myself a tea, I thought back to what sickness was like when I was drinking. I knew I had a real problem when even sickness couldn’t keep me from having a drink or two. Before I quit, on a night like tonight, I would have convinced myself that one drink wasn’t all that bad, really – it would make me feel better, right? Then, depending on how strong that one was, I’d often have two or more – and smoke on top of it all.
Going to bed wouldn’t be hard – pop a couple NyQuil (yes, on top of everything else) and hope for the best. It was the getting up part that was the hardest. Nothing like a hangover when you’re sick as a dog.
I knew that at the very least, it wasn’t helping – and most likely, was hurting the recovery time, but I did it anyway.
Amazing what we can avoid confronting even when it’s right there in front of us.
Took me ~3 years of KNOWING I had a problem before I quit.