Really weak right now.
Almost through the weekend of this first week, but I hear that nagging voice. Just one… why not? You know how good it will feel, how great it will taste. Take the stress off.
Feeling itchy, literally and figuratively.
One of the physical issues I’ve had that caused me to examine life a little more closely was a constant all-over itch that got increasingly worse over the last few months. After weeks of testing and doctor visits, I was diagnosed with a condition called dermatographia. Basically, my mast cells (the white blood cells that release histamine) are a little hyper-sensitive, especially in times of stress. When my skin gets touched, or scratched, or pressed on, they break out the histamine and I get hives. So basically, life gives me hives.
And the stress has been pretty high lately, so this condition is the worst it’s been. I’m on high doses of antihistamine, but since quitting alcohol, even those haven’t touched the itch.
Anyhow, I’m sitting here, scratching and wanting a drink, and looking at my twins – doing their thing – bouncing from one activity to another at light speed. Just in the last half hour, we’ve:
- painted halloween costumes
- driven a spaceship (space heater)
- sprayed the front garden with organic bug killer
- played with a cardboard box that was alternately a bee cage, a robot costume, a drum, and a “delivery package”
- dressed up as Super Why
- had a pee accident
- made a mess of daddy’s desk
- begged for a snack and after being turned down, thrown a major fit
- done cannonballs off the bed into the “ocean” and swam around on the floor
No lie. And now the crazies are writing pretend notes on a notepad (allowing me two minutes to write this), and I’m being drawn into playing puppets… back later for an evening update.
Late PM update:
I rode the wave and got through the witching hour. Left to run an errand while husband did bath time, and grabbed a couple kombucha drinks (new to me, but will be my treat tonight). Now boys are in bed, and I’m headed into an evening of work. Hoping to get to bed early so I can be ahead of the game for tomorrow’s stressball of a day, and have planned out an exercise routine for every evening this week to ward off the inevitable cravings that will come from the new work pressure.
Definitely feeling more present with the boys already, and today’s reflection on their busy-ness was a helpful reminder of why I’m doing this.
Onward.