Day 110


Just making it in under the wire. 11:55pm and exhausted.

I’ve finally finished with the birthday prep, including making an emoji poop-shaped cake per special request. It was a busy day, but not without its charm and moments of clarity.

One of those moments happened when I was running through a conversation in my mind, thinking back to what I’d said, and suddenly saw my words through a different lens. I’d said something to the other person that framed me as powerless – it was a thinly-veiled complaint, but more importantly, I had intentionally made it appear that it was something I had no control over and therefore… what? What was I wanting…Pity? Concern? Empathy?

And in that moment of realizing how transparent that must have been to the other person, I felt embarrassed. That same sort of embarrassed you feel when you look at your high school prom pictures. You know – you thought you looked so good, but that HAIR! How could you have thought that was a good idea?

It’s a narrative about my life that I’m outgrowing. This narrative of “poor me”. 

Because honestly, I don’t need that pity anymore. I’m doing fine, thank you! And any hardship I’m going through at the moment is one that I have some control over, and more importantly, it’s just a moment. It will be over soon, and then on to the next. So why sit and stew about it – only to make it worse. 

Certainly, I can start being more mindful of the amount of complaining I do to friends and co-workers. 

Baby steps.