Day 111



Made it through the week AND through the boys’ first birthday celebration tonight, with sanity intact and sober. I feel like a super hero.

Tomorrow is the bounce house party with 20 3-4 year olds and lots of sugar. Man, I am so glad I will not be nursing a hangover for that.

Lots percolating along in the background, especially related to my expectations for a relationship with C, a lot of trying ideas on for size and not recognizing myself in the mirror… but for now, the little penny-drop today was in the moment when I realized, even without a nap and with the addition of WAY too much sugar, the boys were better behaved than they were last night. 

Last night was an absolute hellacious evening that made the 7th layer of Hades seem preferable. One meltdown after another, sometimes two at once, over things like “My straw is too short” or “this banana is broken”. Dinner was a struggle of threats, tears and timeouts – all just to get them to eat a few bites (why must toddlers fight an activity that keeps them alive?) At one point, I looked over to C leaning over the sink just shaking his head mumbling “I love my life” over and over.

Yeh, it was bad.

But we survived! And although in the moment, it felt like life was Always going to be that way, and the boys were Always that bad, and C was Always going to respond in that sarcastic, angry way, and it was going to last for Eternity… it didn’t. 

Just one of those little reminders that, even in the worst of moments, it’s just a moment. And then, like tonight, there are moments where you expect the worst and the opposite happens.

Glad to have been there both last night and tonight, fully present in the good and the bad.