Day 13

Friday the 13th.

And I had the strongest pull to drink tonight that I’ve had so far. Blame it on the date, or the long workday/week, or the fact that C left to go watch the Yankees game with his friends. But after putting the boys down, I went downstairs with the familiar “it’s Friday night, time to par-tayyyyy” feeling. Walked by C’s beer glass and could smell it as I walked into the kitchen. The idea of a cold, thick G&T hitting my lips, alcohol going straight to my brain – no food to blunt it… it all was so strong in my mind.

Interesting because I knew I wasn’t going to cave, but all the thoughts were there anyway. The familiar groves of “you deserve this” and imagining the ritual of fixing it – sound of ice cubes hitting the glass, pulling the lime and tonic out of the fridge. The way I like to cut the lime, twist it over the cubes before pouring the greasy gin into the glass. Then tonic – the sound, the smell… bubbles filling up the glass. Just the right amount of everything, probably 2-3 drinks in one glass.

On a Friday night like this: no husband around, kids down, stressy week over and 2 days ahead to recover, I’d easily go through 3 of these before stumbling off to bed, way too late.

But tonight, I worked on retraining the brain instead.

I mentally changed course, decided on a plan: Eat dinner, find a mindless movie to watch, then have a special drink to celebrate. Who knew Kombucha could be as fun as a beer? Talking out loud, I coached myself through this, then laughed at the absurdity of it. But retraining the brain will take efforts like these. Observing my own brain in its familiar patterns and changing course.

Hard work, so now – back to Wonder Woman.