Day 17

Les Dames D’Abord

Rainy Tuesday

For how tremendously good it feels every night to be sober, why do I feel so sad?

Many moments in the day where I think, do I really need to give this up forever? And some romanticized notion of alcohol comes to mind – the taste of a complex beer, trying a new cocktail with friends, sipping wine over a wonderful meal with my husband.

I need to remember that it wasn’t like that for me. It became something I was driven to do. I wasn’t in control. And most of the time, I was alone! All this lovely notion of drinking with friends? It rarely happened, and when it did I was usually just holding out and impatient until I could get home and really drink.

I know all this in my logical brain, but my emotional brain is grieving.

Maybe some affirmations will help. I’m thinking about designing a poster using the thirteen affirmations from Women For Sobriety’s New Life Acceptance Program, which are beautifully written and so true:

  1. I have a life-threatening problem that once had me.
    I now take charge of my life and my disease. I accept the responsibility.
  2. Negative thoughts destroy only myself.
    My first conscious sober act must be to remove negativity from my life.
  3. Happiness is a habit I will develop.
    Happiness is created, not waited for.
  4. Problems bother me only to the degree I permit them to.
    I now better understand my problems and do not permit problems to overwhelm me.
  5. I am what I think.
    I am a capable, competent, caring, compassionate woman.
  6. Life can be ordinary or it can be great.
    Greatness is mine by a conscious effort.
  7. Love can change the course of my world.
    Caring becomes all important.
  8. The fundamental object of life is emotional and spiritual growth.
    Daily I put my life into a proper order, knowing which are the priorities.
  9. The past is gone forever.
    No longer will I be victimized by the past. I am a new person.
  10. All love given returns.
    I will learn to know that others love me.
  11. Enthusiasm is my daily exercise.
    I treasure all moments of my new life.
  12. I am a competent woman and have much to give life.
    This is what I am and I shall know it always.
  13. I am responsible for myself and for my actions.
    I am in charge of my mind, my thoughts, and my life.

If I do this, I’ll post it here.

Late PM update:

Still waiting for the wonderful night’s sleep to happen. So far, I’ve been struggling with getting to bed at an early hour, and when there – I can’t fall asleep. My brain won’t stop racing at the end of the day… it’s like I get a second wind around 10pm and here I am at midnight and just can’t bring myself to bed.

Hoping this settles down soon.