I’m disappointed in myself today. In spite of an awesome morning yoga class at a new studio (I feel myself slowly turning into one of those women, always in yoga gear with hair pulled back, buying chia seeds while breezing purposefully around Target), I still lost my temper with C, finding him super annoying today. I’m sure the feeling was mutual. I didn’t yell but I did say some snarky things and I wish I’d been better than that.
And he one-upped me, holding his tongue successfully while I groused and complained. And all of this put me in a worse mood, of course.
It’s amazing how well I understand what I SHOULD do, but still cannot find a way to rise above the moment, especially when it comes to the deep grooved patterns of my marriage.
And ironically enough, the yoga class this morning was all about taking the calm we induce in yoga and carrying it throughout the day, in spite of trying situations. I did not succeed at that, at all.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. And tonight, I will apologize.
I’m grateful that there were absolutely no alcohol-related thoughts today. And in fact, I’m noticing that in reality I prefer to be sober. Where before I couldn’t wait to get to the end of the day to have my first stiff drink and catch a buzz, now I get to the end of the day and look forward to spending it sober – all the various ways that I’m now doing that. Fulfilling, happy, healthy ways to spend time. I even find my weekend smoke sessions cutting back as a result.