Day 171

Longboard design, by pettieprince


Still fidgeting with the idea of acceptance, both self-acceptance and general acceptance of life – the state of my marriage, the work-in-progress state of our home, the disarray of my getting-off-the-ground freelance business, the impossibility of parenting and working full-time.

Some of the self-acceptance stuff out there strikes me as hokey new-age BS. Maybe because I’m not comfortable with it, or don’t really understand it. 

The high expectations of my upbringing helped encourage a striving, always improving mentality, which at times can translate to a discomfort or dissatisfaction with the way things are. And I’ve always felt that it was that discomfort that motivated me, so therefore it was valid and should be honored.

It was, in fact, a deep discomfort that motivated the original shift in focus which made way for so much of the positive change that has happened in the last year. Without that motivation, I don’t think I would have ever made such a big change.

So where does one go with that?

On a separate train of thought, I’m beginning to understand, viscerally not just mentally, the connection between breath and state of mind. Meditation, yoga, and maybe even cardio-based exercise, also learning more about how the body reacts to stress, are helping make that connection. It may sound ridiculously simple, but I don’t think I’ve understood it at such a physical level before. 

Gratitude Postscript

I’m grateful for the beautiful sun today, for the great start the boys and I had to our day, for the yummy cookies I offloaded at work (to everyone’s excitement), and to my non-striving husband for reaching out to work through some logistical life stuff knowing that I wanted to talk it out, and in spite of his own desire to Just Be.