Day 22


How did last night go? Horribly and wonderfully at the same time. I drank water or lemonade all night, barely missed the alcohol and had an absolute blast on the dance floor and chatting with friends, really connecting. When it started to get to the end of the night, and everyone was buzzing with booze-I slipped out and had a puff with another like-minded soul I’d met at the beach house. Great conversation and connection with everyone.

Except my husband

I won’t get into the petty details but suffice it to say, the wedding was a reminder of the love lost between us and we got in a fight.

Although I apologized twice and tried to bridge the gap, “Let’s not let this ruin our night, please?” he is slow to forgive and spent the rest of the evening either hidden away somewhere or actively avoiding me.

Even when we returned to the house, we weren’t able to patch it up-having a couple nasty raised-voice arguments in various rooms, probably within earshot of our friends. 

Part of me wants to throw in the towel but part of me realizes what a major shift I’m going through right now and the need to hold still and wait. What’s the advice-Don’t make any major decisions in your first year of sobriety?

Tired of reaching out to patch things up and being turned away, when the fault goes both ways. He does not come my direction but I so want the rest of this trip not to be ruined. Guess I’ll probably be trying again at some point or just doing my new normal of ignoring his pout and enjoying myself regardless.

Before he stormed out the last time last night, he waved his hand at me and said, “whatever THIS is, I don’t like it”. And I, in the heat of the moment said, “It’s sobriety. Get used to it!”

I’m not sure if that is exactly true but I know that my negative emotions about our marriage are much closer to the surface now that I’m not burying them under a thick blanket of alcohol. Not sure where that leaves us, but guaranteed I will be ruminating over it unhealthily in the alone time that C’s pout will afford me.