Day 306

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So it’s time for a little wake-up call.

I’ve been trying to focus on the positive changes in this journal, but I’m realizing that lately it’s been at the expense of honesty with myself.

The truth is that, while I’m learning and growing and healthy and grateful… I’m also struggling with other addictions creeping in as replacements for the alcohol.

And lately, they’re getting worse.

In the hopes that it will help me (and maybe anyone reading this), here is the full disclosure.

The pot smoking is now almost every night, where before I’d reserved it only for Friday & Saturday evenings.

And the online shopping could be probably classified as a genuine addiction at this point. I visit one store almost daily, and make multiple purchases a month.

It’s embarrassing to write this out, but I need to wake up to what is happening.

At exactly the same times of day and for the exact same reasons, I find myself smoking and shopping. To escape, as a reward, when I’m angry with C, to relax, to feel creative, to get a burst of endorphins.

I don’t have any solutions at the moment. For now I’m hoping that a more transparent awareness of the problem will start me on the path to fixing it.

Late PM thought: maybe I’ll just window shop.

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