Day 64


We turned it into Christmas around here today! Went out and got a tree, decorated it and even sat near it singing songs tonight. Well, two songs, interrupted by scolding, crying and one twin running off and wreaking havoc, so not really a Silent Night.

But they’re in bed now, and I’m trying to wrap my head around the upcoming week.

Tonight’s battle with alcohol started with C’s lovely chilled white wine pre-dinner. I’m realizing what a reward alcohol was for me after a long day, or a productive afternoon of freelance, or a stressful day with the boys. In fact, since those scenarios pretty much describe every day around here, it was just a reward for getting through the day.

That glass though. Such perfection. And the little voice in my head, “You’re doing better now – what’s one glass? How could it really hurt? Are you really going to never have wine again? Why be so hard-lined about it – you were never really an alcoholic etc etc”

I gave that voice a nod, took note of the trigger (reward for completing a shit-ton of freelance work at a record-breaking pace, as well as compiling our Christmas card list and ordering pre-labeled family picture cards from Shutterstock… basically, working a miracle during the boys’ 2-hr nap) and pressed forward into the dinner, bath, bedtime craziness. I don’t have much in the house in the way of replacements, but I grabbed a fancy cold-pressed juice and tried to savor it in the same way.

It’s amazing how strong the urge can be at times. 

But I have a lot riding on this. And I see such profound benefit. I can’t give that up now.