Day 65

Head 2 head, John Martini


Made it through another day, one foot in front of the other. I wake up overwhelmed on days like this but tell myself I just need to get to the next step. Coffee, kids fed, dressed, myself dressed, daycare drop-off, commute, Work Crazy followed by Home Crazy, then dinner, then more freelance, then shower, then bed.

It flies by. And today actually went well, from my internal perspective. I didn’t lose my cool at home or at work, in spite of mounting tensions and looming deadlines. C continues to be sick with this flu bug, so I ran out for medicine and chicken soup after putting boys down.

Just finished dinner and freelance computer work, and am headed to shower – hoping to be in bed by midnight.

Not much room for pondering today but I’ve been obsessively listening to the Esther Perel series on Audible, Where Should We Begin? after This American Life  featured her in one of their segments. 

She is a true genius who sees to the heart of mankind, and works miracles in these one-session meetings with couples in crisis. Yes, I was drawn in because of our own marital struggles, but I’ve remained rapt because of the human-ness of the stories and their global applicability. 

So much of our struggles and angst can be tied back to the desire for connection. 

And alcohol (or other substance) abuse is the opposite of connection. It’s primary purpose is a tool for disengagement, avoidance, dismissal, erasure. No wonder that those of us who struggle with addiction feel extremely alone.

Edited to add:

I’ve struggled to find the right image for this post. I wanted it to be about true human connection, but didn’t want anything too sappy. Then I remembered this sculpture I’ve passed almost daily on the work commute, and what it has come to mean to me over the years. Two faces, which only connect in a kiss at one precise angle and moment of viewing. All of the other views of this sculpture present them as separate entities. How true is this of relationships as well. Depending on the point of view, they can be made up of two “I”s or one “We”.