Day 81

Trees, by Tomás Sánchez


Today was my last day in the office before the break, so there were a lot of Merry Christmases and Happy Holidays, and a small gift exchange with a good friend. She was touched by the gift and as we chatted, I found myself opening up about quitting, and why, and how it’s affected me and going on and on until I felt a bit embarrassed.

She, of course, being the wonderful person she is, was open and appreciative about all of it – even sharing her own attempts to cut back and thoughts on the reasons why she drinks, especially during the holidays.

As I drove home, I went back over what I’d said and how much gushing I’d done about CONNECTION… and then it hit me.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt disconnected from the world around me. Apart. A loner, who no one really understood. Not part of a “tribe” or a group, often fighting against settings where I had to be part of a team or a club. At times, I’ve embraced this and at others, I’ve questioned why. What is wrong with me that I can’t connect?

And now? That part of me is still there, but I feel like I’m growing out of it. Or at least more aware of the reason Why.