That’s right. I’ve stopped counting.
I’m in a different place than I was a year ago, where every day felt like a major accomplishment and this blog was an outlet for the roller coaster of emotions and struggles happening on a regular basis.
Now? I’m in a better place overall, yes. Still quit. Still a work in progress. But not feeling the need for a daily accounting anymore.
I signed in today after reading this article about unconditional self-love.
It made me realize that the self-love I’ve been practicing is more often ego-centered and conditional. Lately I’ve been struggling with negativity toward myself, about my parenting, my lack of self-discipline with exercise and the wack-a-mole addictions that have replaced alcohol, as well as some discouraging minor physical issues that are related to aging and a lifetime of poor stress management.
In all honesty, I feel like shit about myself right now.
In the past year, I’ve corrected this by doing things I’m proud of – reading a parenting book, attending kickboxing and/or yoga regularly, growing my nails out instead of biting them, eating healthy meals. And it works!
But although those things are all good (and I need to get back into that routine), I’m realizing that if I’m only loving myself when I feel I “deserve” it, that is not true self-love. It’s conditional.
So, how does one love oneself unconditionally?
I don’t know.
That’s why I’m here. Stumped, and bookmarking the article for a re-read later.
The ongoing work-in-progress continues.